runningtowardbalance

If you can’t tell from my waffling or total indecisiveness about running –I’m not over it or ready to give up on it.  I have a largely dysfunctional, love/hate relationship with running.  Out of pure frustration, I pretend to hate it and say I’m done for life….dramatic much???  No matter how hard I try, I can’t quit you running.

I'm a tortured soul, born to love someting that brings me pain & anxiety!

See, I’m not a drama queen, AT ALL.  In fact, don’t like drama queens (it’s probably one of the reasons why I have never had a large group of female friends).   So why do I have drama in my running life?  To add some flavor and zest to an otherwise normal existence?  Nope.  The time has come, once and for all to do something about “it” and STOP being a running drama queen.  Why?  Because I miss this:

and want do to this again:

One of the best weekend EVER!

 I’m not a quitter and I want to know once and for all what my knee issues are all about.  I’ve seen Physical Therapists who tell me to rest, I Core Fusion my butt off to get hip and glute strength…so what’s the deal?  Why does my knee hate me?  On February 21^st, FINALLY, after 3 years of off and on running due to knee pain, I’m hoping to get some resolution or at least some direction.  I just booked my appointment to see a Sports Doctor and get x-rays.   What was my breaking point?  My knee hurts to walk on right now.  I took Sade for a long walk yesterday and walking down hills was horrifying.  What I don’t want – is to be a little old lady who can’t walk.  Time to take some action. 

Random – there is no other way to describe my brain today…here’s a little glimpse:

• Yum, that soup from Whole Foods was delish…my tummy needed the break from salads.
• I hate 2PM – I need a kick & really want a yummy coffee.  But I know  I’ll be up all night, green tea it is.
• Actually, I really want hot chocolate.  However, in my effort to eat whole foods (except gum, duh) I really shouldn’t eat that artificial crap
• Little Debbie Oatmeal cookies – oh how you mock me.  So gross, but saw them at the grocery store and can’t stop thinking about them
• Gum – I really should give it up, nothing like chomping on some chemicals until my jaw locks (yes, I’m a gum addict, except while on the phone, while working out, or at business meetings)
• I’m sore – I love you Core Fusion, so sorry I thought about giving  you up
• Running – need to stop reading running blogs.  I want to run, no I don’t, yes I do. Hmmmm…
• CONCENTRATE – you have so much work to do…focus.  But afternoons are so hard for me.  I get 80% of my work & 100% of any deliverables done in the am
• Salt Lake City – traveling there next week.  Find yoga studio.  But maybe I’ll run on the treadmill.  Nope, remember Cali & what it did to your knee.  Maybe I’ll just back off a bit.  Hmmmm….
• Lighting – must get new standing lamp & candles for the living room this weekend
• WORK…remember you get paid to calc financial exposures and offer company solutions, stop blogging. 
• BUT…I need a mental break from work & blogging helps me work on my written communication skills…so it’s OK to blog
• I should get one of those big balls to sit on at work.  That would keep me awake…I’d fall off if I dosed off.
• I can’t wait to go home tonight & take Sade for a walk. 
• Must go to bed early!
• My hair is dry…cheap shampoo sucks.  Must replenish at the hair dresser this weekend
• Print W2 – the hubs is doing taxes tonight.  I’m happy he’s doing the taxes.  I hate it.

 See, there ya go.  A glimpse into my ever changing brain   It’s a wonder I get any work done in the day!

Giselle – I’m sure you love your hubby very much…but he hasn’t been the same since he met you.  You need to toughen him up!!!  Arghhh…I’m a pretty big sports fan & LOVE the Pats.  So needless to say, last night was a bit of a disappointment.   Hats off to the Giants, you were the better team last night

 This weekend was JUST what the Dr. ordered: rest, relaxation & FUN!!!!  I even took a nap on Sunday!!!  It was the first Sunday in 4 weeks that I didn’t pack up and leave to go somewhere!  We went home on Friday night to a freshly painted condo which we proceeded to re-organize until 10PM.  Then the hubs and I spent some QT together on Saturday afternoon watching the Bruins.  And they lost as well.  Not a good weekend for Boston sports! 

Is your nose bleeding, because mine is We were WAY up there, but still had a blast!

Onto other topics – Saturday, I went back to Core Fusion for the 1^st time in nearly 3 weeks.  1 word – OUCH!!!!!!   In fact, I could hardly move.  I had to take yesterday off & went back to Core Fusion Cardio this morning.  1 word about CF Cardio – breathless! 

 CF and CF Cardio never stop kicking my butt, especially after a little hiatus.  So, why would I ever want to give it up????  I also have fallen in love with Hot Yoga – the sense of mental balance it gives me is unbelievable.  And I also sorta miss running.  Not the physical act of running, but the feeling I get when it’s done (well, other than the pain).  I simply don’t have time for all 3 things.  I have time for 1, maybe sometimes 2 workouts in a day.  Between work, commuting, & wanting to spend time with the hubs & Sade during the week there isn’t enough time in the day (seriously, how do Moms do it, I don’t think I’m cut out for that).  So what am I going to choose?  I’m a person that likes to pick something and go with it full throttle…I want to see progress & get really good!

Well, I’m afraid the choice has been made for me.  My kneecap issues – yup, they are back.  Running – off the table.  I ran like a mad woman in Cali, and unfortunately I’m paying the price for it now.  Fancy schmancy dinners with heels didn’t help matters.  I could go to a Dr., get an MRI, do PT, and maybe get surgery.  But I started wondering if it’s really worth it? I don’t know if it is? I’m a high-strung lady & need calming forces in my life more than I need high energy ones (I create enough energy on my own :) ).  Maybe my fresh air needs to come from the park or long walks with Sade after work? 

But I know this; I don’t look at runners with envy anymore.  I’m happy they are out getting fit & happy that I have CF and Yoga in my life.  Why do I feel this attachment to running?  It gave me something I needed in my life for a long time; maybe I don’t need it anymore?  I am certainly not the same person I was when I first hit the pavement.  Maybe I can think about running as something I had a positive relationship with for a long time, it served its purpose & now it’s time to move on.  I’m searching for peace in all aspects of my life…running doesn’t provide me with that anymore.  I think me and my knee are breaking up with running! 

I generally have a rule against blogging on Sunday nights. But rules are meant for breaking right? The rule is in place because weekends are family time, but since I’m in snowy upstate NY I figured why not break the rules? 

These next 2 weeks are going to be INSANE. I have meetings with a local client from 7:30AM-5PM each day this week (MLK is not a vaca day for me or the client - kind of wierd).  I’ll drive back on Friday night; have Saturday to say hi to the hubs & Sade (and hopefully squeeze in a Core Fusion session) before I’m on a plane Sunday morning – Cali bound.

I’m trying not to over-think it, but I’ll be honest, there were a lot of tears when I left today. In an effort to stay positive I keep reminding myself of my fun, work-out with the locals, evening activities on tap for the week.  They make me smile

After 6 hours in the car, the last 1.5 being back roads this girl was ready to stretch her legs (even if it is only 11 degrees outside). When I went for a little stroll, I stumbled upon:

Moosewood Restaurant

 Moosewood, Inc. is a collectively owned business with nineteen members who share responsibilities and participate in the various jobs necessary to run what has grown from a very small natural foods restaurant to become a larger and more diversified company. Most members of the Collective have worked together for at least 15 years, and some since the restaurant’s inception in 1973. The restaurant is further staffed by a talented and dedicated group of employees whom we truly appreciate and without whom we could not operate.

With our emphasis on healthful natural foods cuisine, Moosewood Restaurant has operated successfully for thirty-eight years and has been acclaimed as a driving force in the world of creative vegetarian cooking. Moosewood was named one of the “thirteen most influential restaurants of the 20th Century” by Bon Appétìt magazine. We started in an era when many alternative businesses began, and we feel incredibly grateful to have endured, thrived and had a positive impact.

I have a few Moosewood cookbooks & they are amazing. I never realized it is also a restaurant!!! SOOOO excited. I will bethere a few nights this week.

The menu changes daily, so today I tried their Jambalaya without cheese: Carrots, colorful bell peppers, okra and more simmered with thyme, all-spice and basil in a nut brown roux; served on rice and topped with smoked cheddar (opt’l)

SOOOO YUMMY!!! No pics because I chowed!

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In terms of workouts this week…I have 3 workouts that I’m committed to at a local Yoga studio:

• Monday Night – Barre
• Tuesday Night– Hot Power Yoga
• Thursday Night– Hot Power Yoga

I also brought some running gear, so depending upon my energy levels I may squeeze in a quick run before barre tomorrow night and a run on Wednesday evening. I have never tried Hot Yoga, so I’m nervous but excited I’m hoping they have a nice long shavasana at the end of class to help me decompress.

I wasn’t planning on blogging today, but then I remembered my promise to share a Friday Fact on the site each week.

My brain is super tired today, so I’m going to keep this one simple and light (especially) since last week’s fact was pretty heavy.

Something you may not know about me from reading my posts is that my hubby and I met on match.com!!!

Yes, we met online.  I was romantically challenged to say the least.  I was married to my job & partying for most of my 20’s.  When I settled down, lost weight and finally became open to being committed I realized that guys really suck & I went after the bad ones.   I’ll be honest; I went for rich guys with big careers and shitty personalities.   They couldn’t handle my independence I couldn’t handle their attitudes & lack of attention.

My sis had been urging me on for awhile to give it a whirl.  It wasn’t until Memorial Day weekend when running through Boston Common that I decided to do it.  It was a beautiful spring day and there we so many people holding hands.  I wanted to hold someone’s hand.

So I wrote a bio…damn, it was hard to write.  How do you sound, smart, funny, witty, and deep at the same time? 

And I was scared about the safety aspect.  I went on a lot of dates, but my friends always knew when & where.  And my dates were always in very public places.  The only person I ever let give me a ride home is my now hubby. 

I probably went on 20 dates before I met him.  Dating sucks…I hated it!  Funny story…my first ever match date was my worst date EVER.  He ended up working at my company about 3 years later & sat behind me.  ACKWARD!  We never acknowledged each other’s existence.

The hubs & I hit it off immediately…within 6 months we moved in with each other, within 1.5 years of meeting each other we were engaged & 1 year after we got engaged, we got married.  Seems a little fast, but we had a quote on our wedding program from When Harry Met Sally that summarizes it nicely -

“I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

After a lot of heartache I found my “lobster”.